| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|06:37 pm] |
i refer you to this headline news from CNN.com
Bio Terror Likely by 2013
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/12/02/terror.report/index.html
now a few things came to mind reading this article. one, that fear is power. we need to be scared in order to be good productive citizens. so maybe we're up to orange on the bio-terror rainbow. better stay indoors and keep watching TV, you wouldn't want to miss something important. flu shots, hand sanitizer, and bottled water should be flying off the shelves by now, must be good for the economy. somehow. and now when the flu comes around every year the nation will panic and flood the emergency rooms. and then the article explain how much easier it is to produce biological weapons than nuclear ones. even cites a specific plague germ that someone could theoretically get their hands on in order to kill a predictable number of people. so lets just broadcast these opportunities to amateur terrorists. lets see what happens when we point out exactly how one should go about causing mass extinction. because that's responsible. thats a great way to use this information. fucking wonderful.
sensationalist journalism really pisses me off. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|10:41 am] |
::Yeah, they're pretty nuts. I remember one of them was talking about the MCRI, and they said "if we leave it up to the Michigan voters, we'd have segregation again" C'mon, get with reality.
UM why are you so retarded?
how does a school like this mantain the image of DIVERSE or LIBERAL or idunno EDUCATIONAL?
i should take umstudents off my friends list. they make me angry. all the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|09:43 pm] |
my father said he had a letter from the university adressed to me. said it sounded important in that corporate nonsense sort of way. lots of big words, convoluted sentances, something about a hold on my account because they fucked up my financial aid due to an error at the time of enrollment. asked me if he should shred it.
so my father knows. if he read it. knows i wasnt enrolled last semester, knows how much ive fucked things up. he wouldnt have mentioned it to me unless he realized how important it was. my father doesnt talk to me.
so what does it mean when a parent recognizes what youve done and just offers to shred it for you? he amazes me.
and somehow that made everything feel better.
i keep having these crazy flashbacks that sort of overwhelm me and then i feel cold and i cant see and i cant remember whats going on around me. and then eventually i realize theyre flashbacks into fucked up dreams ive been having and then it scares me again cause i think sometimes theres so little difference between what i do and what i dream and what just crawls into my consciousness when i dont expect it.
not going to school next year, and thats final. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|02:03 pm] |
i cant be here next year.
im going crazy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|08:59 pm] |
i guess this is the week for discovering names for the obscure psychological disorders that i may or may not have experienced but always thought were just in my head anyway...
body integrity identity disorder obsession with having healthy limbs removed, often resulting in self-amputation (or just the compulsion to become ambidextrous in the event that the heavens bless you with the accidental removal of your right hand just above the wrist)
orthorexia obsessive dieting without the goal of weightloss or health. (assuming that the refusal to eat anything that has come in contact with plastic fits this description)
so im not crazy. or at least theres a couple other people in the world with the same kind of crazy, which makes me i guess still crazy but less of a freak. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2005|06:20 pm] |
the clock on my desk is ticking backward and somehow this seems fitting. the second hand goes backward and the bunny has not moved (nor even blinked) since i sat down some twenty minutes ago.
my life is not real and i dont know what to do.
i did nothing but sleep the whole time i was home. and then she would wake me up for meals or to yell at me or to say something stupid and irrelevant.
ghetto suicide rates are negligible. question of the day: why is it only rich white kids like us who can do it? what do they have that we're missing? or is poverty such death in itself that suicide becomes redundant? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|11:01 am] |
certified mail is always really important right? and usually really bad? and especially bad when its coming from the institution thats threatening you with expulsion due to the apparent falsification of enrollment status and financial aid eligability.
but refusing certified letters removes you from any legal responsibility as to the content of the letters, right? so if i ignore it then technically they never contacted me about the situation so its okay to not do anything about it?
...i am so fucked. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|08:28 am] |
rant #1:
hey melissa, want some rats?
the little bastards got out of their cage last night, like 3am. i wake up with countless little claws and teeth racing up my right arm and a millisecond later little whiskers and paws all over my face. fucking freaked me out. being attacked by really excited little animals is not an acceptable way to wake up. under any circumstances. so i start breathing again, and then try to catch them but i cant freaking see them cause its dark and i have my contacts in and they scared the crap out of me so i sat up real quick and got all swimmy. i put them back. they get out again. i realize they (and by they i mean monster) chewed through the shoelace that keeps their cage shut. so i get up and find another one. they go straight to work on that one, cause apparently now they know what happens. so i keep poking at them hoping theyll eventually get distracted and go to sleep. i get up and feed them. twice. hoping theyll get distracted. doesnt work. so i go get their other cage. and they can push the lid off so i pile it up with those god awful crim texts that i obviously dont use. and then i realize their waterbottle is leaking. so then its like 4am and im a little fucking cranky. and sneezey. and all of a sudden i realize that not only am i filled with a profound hatred for rats that i had not previously had, but i think im also really really allergic to them. right. that would explain why my head hasnt stopped leaking for a month, right. and then the post nasal drip turns into a raging sinus infection sore throat thing and i end up taking entire handfulls of ephedrine/prescription allergy pills and chasing them with vodka or wine cause im pathetic like that.
[sub-rant, #1a] and speaking of which, i think my kidneys hurt. i dont really know what kidneys feel like, but something fucking hurts, and has for a week or so. i thought it was my back, but i cant find any particular muscle that is actually sore or knotted, and stretching/rearranging/whatever only makes the mildest difference. but im getting all paranoid that the homework pills are somehow effecting my kidneys. cause it hurts in the general kidney region of my back, and a weird sort of pain that isnt quite like cramps and isnt quite like bruises or wounds or anything. and last night it was bad enough that it totally could have made my puke except (a) i didnt feel comfortable puking with my roommates home (b) regardless of what it is, i cant imagine puking would in any way diminish something like a kidney problem. so 100-150mg per day of ephedrine, think that could do it?
[rant #2. insert smooth transition here]
so that may qualify as one of the most amazing experiences in my life. (at any rate the most ive gotten in a god damned while, which does count for something) but im rather afraid that it set some sort of precedent for weird shit between me and andrew. and that would be weird. i mean, hes already sorta creepy toward me, and i already give enough mixed-signals. but then theres this little voice in my head thats like why the hell not? would it really be that weird to sleep with andrew? cause its not like every other guy ive ever slept with wasnt at least a little creepy at me. (or at least sketchy as fuck)but then theres the possibility that i end up acquiring another fucking stalker. but maybe i can deal with that, right, cause i sort of already do? shit. this is why i dont sleep with people i know, right? cause theyre always fucking there and then shit gets weird. but then i obviously dont know anyone who i dont know, so im not getting any at all, and thats not cool either. so holy fucking predicament.
the end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|01:13 pm] |
today's paper had a gran articulo trata de unas personas que tienen el impulso de amputir perfectly healthy limbs. dice que este condicion afecta solamente 1000 people world wide. but even the fact that such a disorder is currently being recognized me hace tan alegre.
ya. so maybe im a little crazy (and im babbling in spanglish again) but woot for amputaciones voluntarios!
melissa, where the fuck is your spanish diccionario? im sucking at escribiendo right now and need it very much!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|11:28 am] |
mail from home now includes the title Ms. instead of Miss. damn, that makes me feel old.
hay que escribir un ensayo de minimo 5 paginas para mañana. no sé de que. y no puedo concentrar aquí. pues. no puedo escribir nada sin fumar. entonces, creo que voy a debs para trabajar allí, con computadora, con cigarillos, con cada distracción.
¿sabes algo de la mujer en la franquista? claro que no. (condenado, pasé muchos minutos para divinir el simbolo de pregunta revesada. es [alt] [ctrl] [/] ..por sup..)
fucking spanish. i think i made up a couple of those words. lets pretend im being clever and original instead of just sucking at spanish, eh? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2005|05:00 pm] |
nyquil as a robotussin syrup!? imaging the mixed drinks you could make with that........ oh, but i wasnt gonna do that anymore. damn damn missed opportunities.
both my references agreed to write me recommendations. now i just need to get my shit together and visit their offices. so one of these days might be mildly productive.
criminology may have been a disaster. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2005|07:41 pm] |
im almost out of vasoporo.
pretty much out of zyrtec.
totally out of alcohol.
i dont remember taking that many pills, but ive honestly gone through both bottles in like two weeks. that with the drinking every goddamned day. and the god-knows-how-much zyrtec ive taken totally explains why im so disoriented all the time and manage to sleep through hundreds of miligrams of ephedrine. so to anyone who has been thinking ive been really fucked up/out of it/creepy lately, you were totally right. thanks for not bringing it to my attention and thereby forcing me into a pathetic and overmedicated state of denial.
so im done drinking until further notice, and as soon as my sinuses start functioning again i think i'll lay off the pills for a while too...
and damnit i still want sex. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2005|10:22 am] |
shit
i was all excited cause i was gonna dye #2 green and then carry him around all day. but i cant find any green food coloring. i know i have seen food coloring. food coloring surely exists. why would i hallucinate something as random as food coloring? i want a green rat, damn it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2005|06:56 am] |
HAPPY BIRFDAY LIA!
and happy green beer day to everyone else.
i intend to get drunk between shifts today. cause i generally go to work drunk anyway and at least today its culturally acceptable. and if anyone gives me shit, i can say "hey, its not the first time this week"
this is such a dumb holiday. does anyone else think this is a really dumb holiday? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|12:50 am] |
shit
the 8 ball; the blind pig; cojum dip.
i-m a little drunk. i dont like coming home this drunk. not with the christians and all..
and i went to krishna dinner kinda drunk too.. was that bad?
holy fucking bedtime!!
some day i-ll start making updates that arent this lame. really. promise. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|09:38 pm] |
haven't been to work that drunk in a while.
but if i get drunk enough tonight i might run out of vodka and then, as promised, i just wont drink any more. yup. remember when i wouldnt drink at all? fucked up wasnt it... its got to happen again though.
oh sobriety!
[i wonder why that word isnt soberity. cause sober would be the root, no? maybe people just kept spelling it all drunk and it caught on?] |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2005|03:53 pm] |
mkay. i have no idea whats going on. i found myself in the love room at debs, couldnt figure out why i was there. walked upstairs, went outside. couldnt remember how i got there or where i lived. wandered around campus envisioning my apartment (cause i could picture it, but couldnt remember where it was.) and decided that it was cold, and therefor couldnt figure out why i was wearing very insufficient pants for the occasion. couldnt find my belt either. didnt even have my phone on me. im not sure why i was this disoriented. finally found my way home and julia's here, and she said i think i went to see judi, but apparently i couldnt find my way there.
i dont remember what ive been doing for the past several days. my LJ says ive been fooling around w/ dan, skipping classes, playing w. rats and so on, but i have no memory of any of these things. in fact if i wasnt in LJ right now i would have no idea what day of the week or what time it was. as it is, my mothers birthday is tomorrow which i need to remember, and im sure i have some amount of homework or something to do. i got a voicemail last night from sarah, but i couldnt even figure out how long lago i was there. there was a reason i left this room, also a reason i made my bed. perhaps even a reason im this out of it......
at any rate, i remember at some point last night telling someone (in a bar? who would i go to a bar with?) that i should stop drinking again. and perhaps that is very true. (at the same time, im not hungover at all, i'm just really confused..)
shit, if it wasnt for LJ i wouldnt even know what month it was... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2005|01:15 am] |
i cant tell if this is freakishly accurate/kinda scary, or if im just drunk.
( Read more... )
lj cuts rock. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|04:52 pm] |
MOMENTARY PANIC:
i just realized that the i'm-a-ho parts of my life never overlapped at all with the i-drink-too-damn-much parts of my life. i suppose this makes sense because alcohol consumption and sexual irresponsibility seem to fill the same basic void in my life, and are therefor interchangeable, yet would be redundant and unnecessary if simultaneous. so, on account of this revelation, i propose i should quit drinking again in order to boost my [motivation for having a] sex life.
yes, it's all making sense now......... |
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